My Web Host is an Arc Welder

Man, I got sick of website hosting. Most of these hosting accounts were expensive, laden with ads, and kept deciding FOR me what I could and couldn't do on my website. Or else they were penetrated more often than the rear guard of Leeds United. Sorry, English football hooligans. I just wanted inexpensive hosting that was fast, not cluttered with OTHER people's websites slowing mine down, and I get to set it up how I want.

There's Digital Ocean, Linode, Vultr, and other 'spin up your own server' solutions but... really? You gotta manage it with a command line. Yeah. You gotta "telnet' in with a terminal and type arcane code to get the thing to behave how you want. I'm not Matthew Broderick or Ally Sheedy and this isn't Wargames. So that's where Cloudways comes in.

I envy all those guys with $5 servers who say things like, "Well, I'll just spin up a server and throw the website there." Yeah, Biff. You're so handy spinning things, I've got another job for you. I like TOOLS. I want to turn ON my damned arc welder and have it spark to life with "How may I serve?" Cloudways gives me ACCESS to Digital Ocean, Linode, and Vultr servers, but also a 21st century interface that makes it as easy to use as an arc welder. Drop your visor, man. I'm launching a website.

The hosting fees are miniscule. The server is fast. The websites work the way I want. I've got a pile of WordPress sites on a Digital Ocean server now, managed by Cloudways. And when I get some message like "you're not running the latest PHP", I can log in and upgrade in a couple of clicks. And if I want to upgrade to more memory, hard drive space, or "cores" (think of them like extra cylinders on a 65 Mustang), that's 2 clicks also.

I get to give the finger to controlling, overpriced hosting companies, and I can add more websites without necessarily spending more. A good tool doesn't come with a list of rules that say what you can and can't do with it, as millions of proctologists will unfortunately attest. Bill... back away from the arc welder. But you'll sit easier with Cloudways than something that also comes "some assembly required" and the instructions are in a foreign language. 

 

Cheap, fast hosting with more cores than YOUR hosting, guaranteed. Yeah, it's a Barracuda, baby!

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